oceans-kids:

addiction-to-pain:

This is how I found my mother this Saturday when I went to visit her. 2 Days after getting out of hospital again and she had gone through 2 and a half casks of wine and over 40 cigarettes. She was on the floor drunk, smoking and half unclothed. She had peed all over herself due to no control over her bladder from being intoxicated. She also hadn’t eaten for a few days again. She thinks she is FAT. Look at her. IS SHE REALLY FAT? This is pretty much how I find my mum every weekend I visit. If she isn’t in hospital where she is forced to be sober and to eat - she is at her ‘home’, 2 minutes from the bottle shop, like this. I can’t remember the last time I actually got to spend my Saturday out with my mum… It’s generally just this and calling the ambulance to admit her back into hospital again. for the whole of my life, this has been my mum’s life. Even before I was born she was struggling with her own life. Why she had me… I don’t know. 
I feel like a mistake a lot of the time and I just keep getting false hope from my mum. I told her that I used to cut my wrists because of her shit. She told me that I should just go and do it again. I told her though that I wont do it because unlike her I have the will power to say no to my problems and overcome them. I can’t believe my own mother encouraged my suicide. I know she has tried to take her life countless times before so I guess that shit really means nothing to her anymore. Just like me. I mean nothing to her. No-matter how much I do, give up, sacrifice, push aside in my life - it’s never enough to help my mum. Please find it in your heart to pray for my mum. PLEASE pray that maybe one day she can at least start to sort her life out before she chooses to kill herself.

Please reblog this so others can see this and pray for her.

in my prayers x